The boys don’t even need cable or satellite to watch the goriest, most gruesome, and titillating stuff on television. Today’s news programming has it all. 
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Not only is it gory and gruesome, some of it ain't even real. It's just their spin on it.
The news has to compete with reality TV, so they're trying everything.
Only half-naked? Pfft! Cheap news network!
Yeah, but it's the bottom-half, so that makes it better.
The stuff on TV today would make a nun blush
I don't know why I read that as "nun bush" at first. I need to stay outta Vegas.
Totally true…
Sad, isn't it.
Sounds pretty tame for the evening news
It's hard to compete with Florida news. Y'all be doin' it up over there.
Today's top story … that's about right, Mr. F!
It's cool when they say "today's topless story!". That's when I tune in.